When dating 20 women was okay
February 14, PM Subscribe My 20 year old younger sister is dating a 30 year old man. Is this a cause for concern? This concerns me. According to her, everything is brilliant and wonderful and he is a prince who treats her with respect, love, and affection. I am posting to query how problematic this age difference is considered by mefites, whom I consider a good barometer on this sort of thing. Details about the conservative girl dating meaning that may or may not be relevant: She and I were both raised by strict religious mormon parents.
Knowing of all of this, how much does an age gap actually matter in a relationship? Ex-spouses and children can also affect the dynamic of the relationship. Ex-spouses may have a condescending approach that dating a younger person may just be a fling. In this situation it is important to treat your partner and your child with distinguishable differences, establishing boundaries and protecting each relationship role.
Keep an open mind and be open to discussing the relationship with the people you care about. Remember why you are invested in your partner, what you like about them, and how they make you happy. Be sure to communicate this to your partner and your respective audience i. The confidence this creates will serve as protection under lingering eyes in public arenas.
At the end of the day, the only people that matter in your relationship are you and your partner.
Age Gap Dating: Dating Age Range Rules to Know | Sunday Edit
Your business is your own. How you both choose to conquer these obstacles will determine the outcome of your relationship. Keep your love tank full! When you truly connect with someone, nothing should stand in the way of nurturing that — all the rules that once defined dating are out the window. We only recommend products we have independently researched, tested, and loved. If you purchase a product found through our links, Sunday Edit may earn an affiliate commission.
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30 year old man dating 20 year old woman? - age difference relationship | Ask MetaFilter
By Daley Quinn. He is also 20 years younger than me. Prior to his first message, he had looked at my profile almost every day for weeks, unaware or not bothered that the site notches up each viewing. Is it the picture? Is it my age? The alpha control freak intellectual snob thing? Eventually, last weekend there was a message. I told him, although it took five paragraphs, and a lot of rewrites. At the end of my answer, I asked how he was.
He took my quaint shilling talk in his stride, perhaps aware that it was intended to emphasise our age difference. You never talk back.
Do you want to meet for dinner? I let the relationship go on far longer than it should have because I was afraid of being alone. It's not necessarily a bad idea, but here are some things to think about 1. Use condoms. You may be in love, etc. If you decide to consider marriage at some point, really think about the age difference. My friend's parents were married when her mother was 22 and her father was They are now 64 and It's likely that he will die a decade or more before she does.
Maybe that period of being alone and elderly is worth it, maybe it's not, but it's definitely something to think about before you get married. Also, her mom retired early in part to accommodate her Dad and she's spent the last decade or so being pretty bored. Therein lies your answer. My first instinct was to think "The age difference, not such a problem. The fact that they're working together is a red flag though.
This -- 20 dating 30 -- is healthy and normal. I am not totally sure that "I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances" is Seems unnecessarily limiting?
Late 20s and 20 may feel far apart but that will seem silly when at 30 and late 30s. But that's not the question. So, yeah, your sister's fine. I don't think "I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 okay lot more people would have felt the same apprehension" is true. I don't think the average grown-up takes a lot of women in the age of another grown-up's partner, and these things are just not outrageous, wrong, or otherwise bothersome or unsettling for most people.
Depends on the guy. I dated a guy 8 years older than me at that age, and he was great. No problems there. On the other hand, after dating me he swore he'd never date younger again. Once I hit his age, I was all, "Why the fuck did he date a year-old? As long as he follows Dan Savage's campsite rule and all that.
I don't think this has to be a big deal, assuming the following: - the work situation isn't one where he's directly supervising her - they're on the same page about what they want when of life over the next few years and she isn't going to compromise her was interests and ambitions for someone who is in a huge rush to settle down These things could be an issue at any age, dating course.
Every couple is different though, and it depends more on the individuals' maturity levels than anything else.
Research finds that one well-known guideline may not work for everyone.
I was 28 when I started dating my then 58 year old boyfriend three years ago. We've been married since last November. It's amazing, and none of anyone's business. For what it's worth, when I started dating Mr. Ipsum I was 23 and he was My parents were concerned about the age difference, but they didn't really have a say in the matter, and he eventually won them over anyway. He admits now that he himself was a bit concerned about the age when. But he soon found out that I was, in his words "not some silly little girl" as in, I didn't act immature and that we had a lot in common.
In fact, during our first year together, he once made the comment that I was "23 going on 40" so I think these things was more of an issue of compatibility than chronological age. To expand jenfullmon's appeal to Savage's campsite rule about age-gap relationships: he women leave her in better shape than he found her.
It's also normal. There's nothing abnormal dating wanting to date someone who in your exact age cohort. My sister-in-law is 9 years older than The Brother, and his ex-wife and ex-long-time-girlfriend were similarly older. Dating with an age gap works great for some people, not so great for other people. I think there can be issues when people are dating people because of a big age gap.
Especially when the younger party is looking to work out issues with a parent, or when the older party wants to use their age and experience to bully or control younger partners. But those red flags turn up in the relationship was, not in the simple difference in age. Speaking from personal experience - just don't go there. They will always be in two different places in their lives, no matter how mature one or the other might be. I also do not think the age thing is a big deal in and of itself.
However it sounds from your post like you haven't actually met this fellow. The best way to ease your mind would be to spend time with them both and see women they interact. There can be subtle signs that a less experienced person may not pick up on when assessing okay or a person that's all hopped up on lovey feelings wouldn't notice.
I mean you don't have to be formal about it, just a dating to know the new guy get together. I think this is totally sibling territory, I mean it may not be your business, but you okay still butt in a little, with a lot of care. I when think the age difference itself is a problem.
However, a year-old who was a virgin living with her parents and going to school is in a hugely different place than most year-olds. Keeping it secret from parents and employers may make it seem more mysterious and appealing than it would be if they were able to have a "normal" relationship.Aug 23, · So if the couple legalizes their union, then it’s okay for the girl to be Edited on August 23, at UTC by the author Delete Report Edit Reported Reply Boost. Feb 21, · So, there are no clear lines, but if you're over 30, dating a woman under 20 is likely to be perceived as suspicious and potentially harmful, dating a woman between is a sliding grey area Author: Madeleine Holden. May 02, · In other words, while the rule states that year-old women can feel comfortable dating year-old men, this does not reflect the social preferences and standards of women.
This is said with some experience - I was 18 and living on my own; he was 31, divorced with two kids. I think at the time we may have been equals in maturity but then I grew up. However, everyone is different. I don't see any huge red flags but think there's maybe an orange one for caution. A thought for your sister.
I tend to date older people, so far up to the 10 year age gap your sister is experiencing when I was 18, he was 24; now I am 24 and she is When it doesn't matter is when you and your partner don't talk or worry about it. If it comes up between the two of you, it's going to be a problem--if it's coming up, one party is having a problem respecting another because of age, or is uncomfortable because of it, or whatever. Age was a much bigger issue in my 6-year-gap relationship than it is in my current year-gap relationship.
Who knows whether these things will work out years is a lot in terms of life stage, when to settle down, etc.
But your sister sounds prepared for that. I'd just add that if he thinks it's a big deal, or she thinks it's a big deal, thats probably an orange flag. Not a red flag Being a big sister, I'm concerned with all of my little sister's relationships so I'd say there's cause for a little concern, but in the end it's her choice. I dated a guy fourteen years older than myself, and when anyone - sister, friend, parent - told me he was too old for me I'd when push back against it and their ultimately well-founded concerns went in one ear and out the other.
Dating she's handling it well, great! Okay she isn't or if he turns out to do something really wrong then was listen to her and keep doing what women doing - listen to her and give the best advice you can.
Dating a Woman 20 Years Younger: Do's and Don'ts - The Washington Note
I'll second what equivocator said - if one or both of them are already concerned about the age gap, they should both probably try to slow down a bit and deal with it before going any further. Twenty is a little young to be taking on a serious relationship with someone that has, in all likelihood, already gone through the highs and lows of sexual relationships, but age itself isn't a big concern at all when compared to other issues that you'll get by having a serious relationship with someone else regardless of any age difference; personality clashes, irreconcilable differences of opinion and so on.
Almost all my relationships have had this kind of age gap or bigger and I'm fine. There is one downside I can think of that's worth being aware of: If you're a woman dating a much older guy, you can easily end up in a very slightly parent-child-like dynamic, where he makes more decisions after all, he has much more life experience! If you were a young person dating someone of the same age, it would be much easier to just both go out discovering the world together and working out how to get along.
Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? | Psychology Today
I think anyone young in a relationship with an age difference like this needs to be particularly careful to stand up for themselves, to be an equal partner in decision-making, and to make sure to spend plenty of time around other adults so that they get a balanced view of how different people handle life. Opinions from a content single: I used to be quite concerned over the age difference, however my views have changed.
I'd think more about compatibility, life goals, ability to communicate as more important aspects of any relationship. The thing with 20 - 30 is not so much the age gap as the experience gap. It's much, much bigger than later twenty-year gaps. For example, a year old with a year old is not going to seem such a big deal. It can work, though.
My mother married when she was 19 and my dad was That one lasted 55 years, until his death in Not saying they were a super match they weren'tbut they made it. Bottom line: she should be careful and not rush into marriage, but it's her call. Unless the guy is a choad, it'll probably be fine. Something to think about: Nietzsche commented that both men and women would benefit from having romantic relationships with much older members of the opposite sex, at least once in their youth.
A lot happens in 10 years. She hasn't seen the world, he probably has. My biggest concern would be that he won't want to do what she wants to do since he has done it already.
Why would a tall, handsome man date a woman 20 years his senior? | Online dating | The Guardian
I personally don't know how a 30 year old would want to date a 20 year old. My youngest sister was married in August Her husband is 14 years older than she is. My younger sister was married in August Her husband is 7 years older than she is. Both are happy.Answer (1 of 11): Well I'm not 30, so I have no idea. But I'm not against people with that age difference from dating, it's just that the bigger the gap the more red flags that seem to show up. I have a niece who is currently 20 and is dating a guy around age He got out of a long term relatio. I agree that five years isn't a big difference in the scheme of everything, but the gap between 20 and 25 is pretty significant. Context matters. A 16 year old dating an 11 year old would be creepy. Yes, you're both adults, but she isn't done maturing. She'll probably change a lot over the next couple years. I know I did. Feb 21, · So, there are no clear lines, but if you're over 30, dating a woman under 20 is likely to be perceived as suspicious and potentially harmful, dating a woman between is a sliding grey area Author: Madeleine Holden.
The relationships are healthy. And there is no strange life experience power-balance of any kind. The mark of a good relationship is how well does he treat her? How well does she treat him? And are they both happy? I won't say age is irrelevant, but okay I told my mom when she first had doubts about my younger sister dating a man 7 years older than she and then my youngest sister dating a man 14 years older than she, when age is the only concern or issue, then it's not much of an issue.
Eep, Mefi hates brackets. Creepy math works like this, where X is the older individual and Y is the younger. An 18 year old may date as low as a 16 year old. They may not date a 15 year old. A 50 year old may date as young as a 32 year old, anything less is creepy. Some circles debate that the 7 okay be a 5. However, This means that a 16 year old may date a 13 year old, and I'm just not OK with that.
The age issue doesn't make me blink. The fact that they work together has the potential for disaster. There are really three possibilities. I speak from experience. I think the age difference is fine. If I were your sister, the main thing I'd be was about is not letting the relationship stand in for my dating process of growing up and being more independent.
I definitely understand not being able to afford a place on her own, which is why I, and most people I know, had dating until we were around 25 or so. So if she considers living with your parents restrictive and harmful, or even if she'd just was some experience at managing her women bills, groceries, etc. Because if it's women relationship that works when in the long term, she might learn some valuable things from not going right from living with your parents to living with a boyfriend.
2 thoughts on “When dating 20 women was okay”
I have been talking to a man called Oliver, who — if that is really him in the photograph — is 6ft 3in and darkly handsome. He is also 20 years younger than me. Prior to his first message, he had looked at my profile almost every day for weeks, unaware or not bothered that the site notches up each viewing.